Fear Can Be a Good Reason to Make a Change.

The real difference between driving toward something and away from it.

Is there one kind of motivation that works better than the other?

A client session reminded me of a theory I hadn't considered in a while, and I wanted to share it because it's worth pondering for anyone creating goals for themselves.

After a few sessions together, she announced last week that she'd decided to add another layer to the goal we'd been working on. She is in the process of transitioning into a new career, and alongside that, she's also realized that an overhaul of her health habits would complement the kind of changes she's looking for on both an emotional and mental level. Simply put, she's moved to a goal of creating a life that looks very different from the one she's currently in.

Nobody pushed her toward this—not a partner, not a friend, not someone else's standards.

My absolute favorite thing to hear from a client is a decision coming from within. Hers felt like it was just that; she'd been considering everything we'd uncovered together, and in pondering what her life would look like in 10 years, how she would want to feel, what she'd want to be doing, she simply didn't like what she saw if she were to remain on her current track.

She took a clear look at what this path was winding down to, and decided she didn't want to go there.

We talk about motivation like there's only one kind, but that's not the case. There are two vehicles leading to a big change, and they run on entirely different types of fuel.

The first is called approach motivation: you see something you want, someone living a version of life that stirs something in you, and you launch toward it.

The second is called avoidance motivation: you see something you don't want, a future that's different from your vision, and you update the destination on your map.

My client's pivot is squarely the second kind. It's a dropped pin on a map she no longer wants to drive to, so she chose an exit road to reassess.

There is no right or wrong in either case, and neither one is automatically better than the other. Two factors to consider: the voice leading the way and the risk associated with each journey.

Approach motivation can target a goal borrowed "as is" from someone else's life, or it can be entirely your own—wanting something because you saw it done well isn't the same as wanting it because another person has it.

Avoidance motivation can be just as self-generated as it was for my client, or it can be inherited fear you never noticed as such, a future you were possibly conditioned to dread rather than one you organically rejected.

Both types are valid change agents, and both deserve the same scrutiny: determining whose voice is actually driving the vehicle.

The common risk, however, is that of losing steam along the way, and there are early telling signs worth watching for, depending on which vehicle you've boarded.

Approach motivation tends to start with tangible energy. It's naturally exciting to set a goal and move toward it, and the world looks a few shades brighter.

The risk appears later, when the external reference point shifts or disappears entirely. The person who inspired you changes course, or their version of success stops looking as enticing up close as it did from a distance. Motivation borrowed from another person's life can evaporate the moment that very life does.

Conversely, avoidance motivation starts with more lucidity. It’s clear, almost uncomfortably so, when it's genuinely your own; you’re following your own timeline.

The caveat is that it runs on fear, and fear is a strong starter engine with a short ride around the block. I always say that fear is the worst kind of decision maker, but in this case, where the goal is long-term and the desired outcome is genuine life improvement, fear can be a good driver away from results that don’t serve one’s wellbeing.

The real risk is what happens when the initial feeling you based your decision on moves into the background and no longer fuels the operation. My client caught it—she wanted us to create a reminder that would reignite that original feeling on the days it dissipated, so we built one, something to return to whenever the fire underneath her dimmed, to keep the goal in focus.

When the undesired future stops feeling urgent, the entire premise of a goal built on avoiding it can stall out right when, not if, the actual work gets hard.

This is the part of coaching that matters most. The work is helping a client build something to want to keep moving toward, not just something to keep running from.

If you recognize either path in your own life right now, the question is which failure point you need to plan for.

If you're moving toward something, ask what happens to your motivation if the person who inspired it changes course. If you're moving away from something, ask what you're building to replace the fear once it's no longer loud enough to carry you.

xx Aline.